There is just something about Ice Cube in the morning that makes me smile. He is on a mix LA Jon Murphy made, sandwiched between Buddy Holly and Nick Cave. Reading some peoples words make me overly self-critical of my own. Like chopping wood next to Paul Bunyan and I have no blue ox. I know I can be eloquent and often poetic but I feel I lack some spark others have. That special something that makes you care or makes you feel something. I feel like I write pretty technical manuals.

You know what bothers me? Squeaky wheels always get the grease and the wheels that are not squeaky slowly dry up when if they recieved a little lube they would be at much more peak performance. I feel I don't get emotional support because I am one of these quiet wheels. Last year, even when I was visibly distrubed or sad, noone asked if everything was alright. Do I come across as some stoic clown, some Weebalo that never falls down? People do love repitition and going against tradition some people can't be comfortable with. Ironic how now I am squeaking. Just because I don't bitch and moan doesn't mean I don't have problems and just because I don't need emotional support to get by doesn't mean I wouldn't love having it. I know I cannot be the only one who feels this way. So, if you want support, you need to be a burden. Hmmmmmm. That is an interesting thought I need to ponder.

My weekend was good fun. Saturday, Dan, Whitney and I went hiking in the Armstong Redwood Forest, which was beautiful and then we headed to goat rock on the Pacific where we played some frisbee, ate some baguette with avacado and tomatoe and drank some wine. Whitney is a new VISTA member here from Virginia. She is a sweet, sweet girl; fun, funny, smart and a great taste in music. I hope she hangs out with us other AmeriCorps dweebs often and fully. Sunday, Dan, Paul, Rob and I played some 2 on 2 B-Ball before the all-star game. Shooting for teams, it was me and Rob. Dan and Paul had us on both speed and talent, but we had size on them (not height, size). The game was actually very, very tiring and fun. I got a cramp in my side and me and Rob ended up winning the competiton. I have to admit I had quite a few amazing shots (many of them fade away banks) and passes in the mix. Rob is 6'7" like Dan but Rob is a very broad, so he was a force under the boards. So far today, no work, I have been listening to a Valentines Card mix tape I made. It is very nice and how I picture love being. "Sexual Healing" by Ben Harper is now playing loudly softly warmly waifting through windows and cracks around doors, filling passing heads with love and warm-fuzzies.

The artist line-up is something like this: Smokey Robinson, Heather Headley, Spoon, Ash, Taj Mahal, Jimi Hendrix, Bellrays, Hooverphonic, Ben Harper, Gomez, REM, Mr. T Experience, Jefferson Airplane, Allman Bros. Band, India. Arie, Buddy Holly, Nick Cave, Cake, David Gray, Dashboard Confesional, Finley Quaye, Sean Lennon, Blood, Sweat & Tears, Tom Petty and Blind Faith.

Tomorrow I am leaving to LA and the Inland Empire to visit my peeps from last year. I miss them. I am going down with no money, so it should be a riot of a time. It sounds like the beginning of a good book or a song. I need to bring a lot of food with me (6 days worth), a good book or maybe borrow one from a friend, my journal, envelopes and stamps for Valentines letters to Grandmas and such, my flip-flops, my NewB's (in case of hikes) and some clothes. That shouldn't be too bulky. I am excited to be picking up my record player and records when I am down there. I have lived without them for entirely too long. The sun, the sun the SoCal sun and I will make out a lot, in public, on the beaches in the streets on trails and on porches. I want to regain some colour Santa Rosa has extracted. I have decided that on my vacation I am only going to drink water. That's right, I decided a fast is in order. I have always been interested in doing it, but never have. It's only 6 days, my kidneys shouldn't fail too miserably. Well, diary, I don't know if I will be back before I leave or while I am there, so take care of all the beautiful freaks. Gods bless.

P.S. Keep your eyes peeled for a new design sometime in the near future from design innovator/connoisseur, Geri. Should be most exciting!!

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