You have gone MIA. You made the music play ever so colorfully. You are a teacher taken from your home and lost in the shuffle. Mix tape, I miss you!

Feeling groggy in the morn, listening currently to Super Furry Animals' "Run, Christian Run!", the sun is out and sky is littered with scruffy clouds like too little jelly spread over dry toast. The new bloom trees look to be reaching out to me, to feel some connection, but I know it is only my sad reflection; trees are wise.

Watching About A Boy last night elevated me. I feel a lot for it or it brought a lot of me to feel. It doesn't matter, either way. Everyone needs something to stay afloat. When people drown, they act out for salvation. "Father, why have you forsaken me?!" Sometimes, but not recently, I want to yell that out. Poor gods gets a lot of crap they doesn't deserve. Too many people give them a bad image.

Who in this american trailer park suffers to help others? Suffers to help strangers, some massless less appreciation group or is it just family and friends? I know there are a lot but are there enough? I guess I will keep wondering.

I wonder how many people, right now, are listening to the same song I am. I wonder why violence happens, can most of it be categorized easily in a few lumps? I wonder what the consequences of war on Iraq will be. I wonder if the next guy will be worse, both with Iraq and US. I wonder should I wonder so much. I wonder what people I know are doing. I wonder what good my existence is on the world, on friends, on myself. Do I do me justice? I wonder who was domestically assasinated. I wonder if Bush would die for his war.

I think we should solve this whole Iraq/America beef with a old west style duel between Saddam and Bush, complete with Colt revolvers. If Saddam died, he wouldn't be a mrtyr and if Bush died, wouldn't he be a hero (last time I checked, that is a step up from his current status with most people)? Plus, it would show that leaders of nations are willing to die for what they believe rather than send others to do the dying for them. The bravery of being out of range isn't bravery at all, but cowardice.

I wasn't feeling so good at the beginning of this entry, but things are looking up. My gut is feeling better about the world. I owe a little of it, I think, to Steve Winwood and Blind Faith. "I can find nothing wrong, but I can't find my way home."

I should be getting up in the morning to run a couple miles, but I have crap determination. I wish I had a running buddy. I wish I had someone to B-ball it with in the mornings. I want to lose 30 lbs. by the end of the summer. I can do it, I know I can; for my mental health. I am not yet completely comfortable with my self-body image and I know changing my mind OR my body will work. I think changing your body is tougher, so I am going that route. I like a good challenge to step up to. Health is a great motivator, but on the flip-side it also has an intrinsic ability to make you incredibly upset if you don't have it or can't get to it. Only love can break your heart. Thanks, Neil.

"And i wear my heart out on my sleeve,/ from now on i'm wearing nothing but tank tops." -Christine (What a great line, eh? I wish I could wear my heart on my sleeve, but I close off the world too much. I want to be a big sleeve, hahahaha. I am getting better.)

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